bostontam:

Two years ago on Easter I finally made the decision that I would take action… that it had been too long trying to live with an eating disorder… that I would find a way to somehow set myself free.

Even though I was doing rather well with recovery for last year’s Easter, this is my first fully recovered Easter since the day I chose to take on Ed in 2010. The idea of recovery seemed like such an impossible but pleasant alternative to the way I was doing things then… and now I’m so happy to say that it is my very pleasant reality.

bostontam:

One year ago I announced to Tumblr and all other means of social media that I was relapsing in my eating disorder.

Yesterday, I shared a post exclaiming “I’m Back.” Granted I’ve been fully back and fully recovered for about 4 months now but to just glance at the difference between 2 posts in a…

bostontam:

Over the weekend I was going to a restaurant with my dad to meet some friends for lunch before work. I was eating an apple on the ride over. When I’d had enough I rolled down the window and tossed it out.

I’d like to take this time to say that I do not litter… I was just planting an apple tree on…

bostontam:

I had to go to the doctors this week. It wasn’t a routine check up but they still took my weight to keep the records updated. Upon my arrival I was handed a sheet with my information on it. I knew what would be there since that paper was how I accidentally saw my weight for the first time in over…

I could barely even allow my foot to make contact with the ground for walking yet there I was running around the Charles in barely bearable pain. -This was before recovery. It was my freshman year of college… the year everything pretty much escalated with my eating disorder and OCD.

For a period of about two weeks that spring there was something seriously wrong with my foot.. well that certainly wasn’t going to work with my running itinerary so I continued to hobble around, running on an injury that needed rest. It scared me so much that such a ridiculous annoyance would potentially prevent me from working out when I needed to. So I did what I could do to remedy the pain with ice when I finished further beating the shit out of my foot but never even gave it a single day off for rest; unless it was the allocated weekend… I strictly ran Monday through Friday back then.

Luckily the pain slowly subsided but that’s besides the point. The fact that I could not put my body’s rest first was the problem. Sure, some injuries can be worked through… but I was having trouble transporting myself from my room to class, not to mention the 6 miles I kept somewhat running around the city. The adrenaline only did so much to ease the pain while I was out there, I still had a very obvious hobble going on.

Now flash forward to a couple weeks ago, during the time of the now recovered me. I was going for a run and felt a tweak in my hamstring.. nothing that would have called for injury time off but it reminded me about injuries in general and how they’re still possible. I imagined how horrible it would be if that were to happen.

Even though I’m recovered I still have running. It is not an abusive relationship at all anymore but I do it often because I enjoy it so I realize I wouldn’t be the happiest kid if I had to take time off.

On the other hand I do know that it would be do-able. I do know how to put my health first now. I do know that I don’t need running to be me. Running is an activity I take part in, not a self description.

It’s comforting to know that even though it certainly would not be my favorite thing in the world- if I had to temporarily stop running for an injury or whatever I wouldn’t be so afraid like I was before. I wouldn’t be teeter tottering down the street attempting to run. My goal would be letting it heal rather than possibly making the situation worse. I love running but I’d be happy with or without it. Preferably with it but hey shit happens.

bostontam:

I’ll start by saying that being recovered is going very well. I think that’s how I know it is going well… because I can just be recovered rather than consciously having to work at making recovered decisions. It has essentially become a natural part of my life.

But it doesn’t mean that I never…

bostontam:

Recovery Timeline Part Two

The second half of my eating disorder recovery timeline video.

bostontam:

Recovery Timeline Part One

The purpose of this video is to take a snapshot of what recovery from my eating disorder was like and explain the different stages I went through to finally reach recovery. Part two of the timeline will be up shortly once it has been processed! I’m sorry that it is rather lengthy… but considering I stuck 4 years into about a half an hour I guess it’s not too bad.

bostontam:

operationOUT

For my first tattoo I decided to go with the NEDA symbol for eating disorder recovery.

bostontam:

This is an important operationOUT entry. Not that they haven’t all been important to me but my intent here is to give a very visual before and after snapshot… before recovery and after recovery.

Writing is one of the tools I used to reach recovery. Sharing what I’ve written has helped a great…

bostontam:

It used to be very difficult to see pictures and videos of the skinnier and restrictive eating me. I really liked the way I looked then. On the other hand I’ve grown to appreciate my new body. Now when I see an old picture it is sometimes like seeing an ex you haven’t seen in a while. The worst of…

bostontam:

I used to be self conscious about my eating disorder… the same way I had once been self conscious about being gay. But eventually you realize they are descriptive, not defining. You separate the YOU from your sexual preference and you separate the YOU from a disorder you’re trying to defeat. So…

bostontam:

It has come to my attention that I haven’t updated operationOUT since the summer time or some crazy ish like that. Actually maybe it was early fall, either way I haven’t updated my status in a while. And my status is actually pretty darn good.

Keeping aside the fact that I have completely…